A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
