dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
