So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
