I want to have your abortion
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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