I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she told me i tasted like america
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Bring me that man meat
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
