if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
