I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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