I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
