Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
