I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
