Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
