At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
