I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
