i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
