i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
