So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
