Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
