pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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