Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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