So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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