She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
