im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
