Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
