dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
