um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
