im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
