There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
