I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
