just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
