I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
