so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wear drunk well.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
