Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
