Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
