so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
third nipple confirmed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
