dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can text with my tongue
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
