he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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