Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
