I'm so fucking centered right now
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
