haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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