I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
