today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
