My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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