so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
