I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
