How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
