i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also, beer. Big fan.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
