i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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