do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
