I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need a hoe opinion
go on
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
