Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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