I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
