I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
