is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
