Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
