I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
